Official Christmas Preparation Guidebook

We interrupt the blogflow of our historical perusal of the past few weeks/months to bring you this special edition to help you through the pre-Christmas Christmas preparations. This post is designed to act as a guide as you go through these steps, or to help you feel better about yourself as you read my steps and realize how close you are to the ideal set forth here. We shall begin.

The Christmas Tree: Preferably evergreen, this member of the Pinophyta kingdom is either bought from Walmart, bought from a tree dealer, or selected from ground plots that may or may not belong to the individual in question. Selection for the latter two categories rests primarily on answers to the following three factors: how far away the car is, how many individuals getting the tree are under the age of 10, and how cold it is. This may result in the acquiring of a tree that makes Charlie Brown's tree look like the White House Christmas tree by comparison.

Decorations: Once the tree has been brought in and placed in an upright position somewhere within the individual's home, it must be decorated. Decorations must be large enough to be visible, but not too crowded to cover the tree completely. The National Authority for Christmas Tree Decoration advises that no more than 3/4 of the tree be obscured by the decorations. Any more than that and you run the risk of obliterating the tree, spokesman Christopher Pringle stated. The NACTD also warns against placing open flames or bare electrical wires on the tree as fires could result, inconveniencing firefighters everywhere.

Many people also place figurines and lights in strategic areas of the outside of their home. Outside decor primarily depends on the distance between one's house and one's neighbors, and also the energy which said neighbors devote to decorating their house. This guide does not recommend using plastic inflatable decorations, as they typically deflate 43 seconds after being set up. However, this guide also realizes that in neighborhoods populated primarily with inflatable-plastic-decorating types, usage of these items cannot be avoided.

The indoor decorations can be a little more individualistic, but must still be in proportion to the amount of traffic that the home expects to see during the time the decorations are expected to be up. Many find it effective to set boxes of decorations on the kitchen table and turn the children loose. If anything, the result can be passed off lightly as "just what the kids did! haha, isn't it artistic?"

Gift Purchasing: Many gifts need to be purchased, as the spirit of Christmas is allegedly measured by the stack of presents under the tree. Lists need to be made, bank funds withdrawn, trips to Walmart made, and then...the wrapping.

Gift Wrapping: There are two categories in gift wrapping. We shall examine each in turn, beginning with Category A, which most males fit into. This group is prone to wrapping gifts in grocery bags, typically the same plastic bag that the cashier placed the gift into at the cash register. A knot is tied at the top, the name is written in permanent marker on the side, and the gift is pitched beneath the tree. Another typical wrapping method for this category is the plain cardboard box, sometimes tied shut with string.

The second category, Category B, is the group which most females fit into. This group wraps minute gifts with great precision and creativity. It has long been suspected that there is competing within the group to see who can wrap the oddest shaped package the neatest. Some members have the proficiency level of wrapping a 4 gallon size package in a piece of wrapping paper the size of a normal business envelope. A bow is attached to the top, the name is written on a matching gift tag, and the gift is arranged neatly under the tree. Please note that the categories are general; some girls find them in category A, and some guys would be more comfortable with a category B rating.

Preparation of Food: In some homes, planning for the Christmas Dinner Menu begins as early as April. The perfect meat, the coordinating side dishes, the incorporation of traditional and new food items, all these take much foresight and preparation. In most families, the female members take care of the making of the dishes, while in others, the father lets his culinary abilities shine forth. Although the majority of Christmas dinners are delectable treats, this guide would be remiss in not pointing out that even a major national holiday cannot transform a bad cook into a good cook. This guide advises caution if one suspects that one's host is one of the former.

Eating of Food: This guide would like to state that the male members of the family generally do this the best.

We conclude this short perusal of common Christmas preparations. We hope that this guide was helpful to you. Merry Christmas to all and sundry!