My blog talked to me today.

He said, "Hey! You used to spend more time with me!"

I said, "I know. But lately, my math book, my English PACEs, my history books, and everything else, have been taking a lot of my time."

My blog (his real name is Calvin*) said, "Come on! You can't fool me with that! It doesn't take that long to write a blog post every once in a while to make me feel appreciated, now does it?"

"Calvin!" I said, getting annoyed. "It takes time to think of something interesting, and then I have to feel semi-creative before sitting down and trying to type. You wouldn't know, I guess, because you're not in high school!"

Calvin got a little irritated too, but he said, logically, "That's it! I'll help you write it!" And then he just sat there and glared at me, and so there was nothing left for me to do except to say:

"What shall we write about, Calvin?"

And he said: "Tell them that funny story about what happened last night! Remember? When you were laying under a bush and -- "

I interrupted him before he gave it away, and so, ladies and gentlemen, Calvin and I would like to present to you the story of The Line Search!

*********************

So. Last night, I was at my CAP meeting, and we decided to do a little ground team exercise.

"Terminology!" Calvin interrupts. "Do we look like we care?"

At any rate, I was voluntold ("Volun-what?" "Voluntold. It's where someone volunteers someone to do something. It's one of our core values*, Calvin.") to be a person to be searched for. I was told to lay on on ground and keep my head down while the cadets were taught how to search for people, and then while they actually searched. I had the good company of 4 mosquitoes, who danced around above my head and didn't bite me, which was nice of them.

"Why don't you get to the funny part? I think your readers are falling asleep," Calvin says, clippily.

Well, to get on to the funny part, I was lying behind my designated bush, and the search line of cadets was nearly to me. They were close enough that I could hear their conversation, and it was hysterically funny.

"You search the bush!" one of them said.

"No! You search the bush!"

"I don't want to! You do it!"

"I don't want to. What if there's something in there and it jumps out and grabs me??"

By this point, I was laughing really hard, but silently, even though I'm surprised they didn't hear me snickering. You would have to picture it: two 16 year old boys, in BDUs, avowing their fear of searching behind some bushes in case a Terrifying Object of Unknown Origin or Species --

"That describes you!" says Calvin, snottily! "Calvin! If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. For your information, I was not referring to myself, as I am fairly sure that none of my cadets live in fear of me leaping out from dark, obscure places. Anyhow."

-- should jump out at them. I was planning to do exactly that if they didn't spot me. However, they saw me, even without having to enter the scary bushes. However, I will never be able to look at those cadets the same...scary bushes indeed!


*The name Calvin -- and the character thereof -- is purely fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental, except he reminds me a little bit of my dad, but that is rather beside the point.

* The four core values of the Civil Air Patrol are: excellence, integrity, respect, and volunteer service.